The Really Good Chocolate Diet
By Jesus’ Toenails, I’ve got it!
It’s the best idea for a diet plan ever!
The secret is: Really good chocolate.
See, I have these wonderful crazy best friends who send me stuff in the mail all the time. (This is because I live in the Midwest, and they live in the East and West coasts respectively. Between us, we’ve got this soggy country covered.) They both have a penchant for sending really, really good chocolate at times.
Sometimes this can annoy me, because I try to stay away from junk food — I blew my junk-food wad when I was a teenager, and “breakfast” regularly meant a Pepsi and a candy bar. (Then, when I was in college, it meant coffee and a cigarette. I’m pretty much out of Karma when it comes to food!) One of my strategies, though, is to completely forbid myself from all cheap junk food — that, at least, makes it harder for me to get it, and more worthwhile when I do. But the influx of good chocolate was getting ridiculous this last week or two, and I was laughing about it on a (long-distance) phone call last night and that’s when it hit me.
Really good chocolate is the ANSWER. Here’s why:
(And by “really good chocolate” I mean the expensive stuff that contains lots of cacao. It comes in bars, truffles, and even “drinking chocolate”, which my buddy Psuke sent me some of just this week. (I haven’t tried it yet, but daaaamn.) This doesn’t include all the expensive, fancy chocolate you might come across, but there’s a wide variety of it and it certainly qualifies as “omg treatfood”.)
1. Really Good Chocolate is more expensive than “junk chocolate”, hence, harder to overindulge in. Plus, it’s often organic and/or fair-trade too, so yay, Karma bonus.
2. I and others have noticed that, while it can taste orgasmically good, you just can’t eat as much RGC as you can the “normal” stuff. A few pieces and you’re usually maxed out. Unlike chocolate that’s mostly sugar, cacao is very strong-tasting and almost drug-like in its effect, making it too much to gorge on.
3. Yet, RGC kills a sugar- or junk-craving completely dead, very satisfyingly.
4. Really Good Chocolate is what they’re talking about in all the studies that show that chocolate is good for you in some ways — all the studies use pure forms of dark chocolate, not that mass-market stuff they cut with lots of milk and sugar to make it cheaper to sell. So you get the heart and liver and whatever benefits this way too.
5. RGC is no higher in calories, fat, or any “bad stuff” than other junk food, and lower than some. Totally carcinogen free, too.
Theoretically, one could cut out the vast majority of sugary junk food from one’s diet 100% painlessly, simply by replacing it with much smaller, but still satisfying, quantities of Really Good Chocolate. Heck, I’ve done it without even realizing it — with enough RGC in the fridge, I just stopped buying anything else, and since I’d already cut off “cheap junk food”, I’ve been doing this almost effortlessly.
Cult of Really Good Chocolate, anyone?