Running to Stand Still

Waugh, the future is intimidating!

Being a metaphysics student at the moment, I can address the question of why something that doesn’t exist can be intimidating, or be anything, probably most efficiently using Yablo:  The future is an existential metaphor and I’m only scaring myself.  And doing quite an efficient job without its help.

I used to be all gung-ho about big changes, I really did.  Perhaps more than most:  I was an active Discordian, proud neophile, professional down-and-dirty flake.  I undertook huge changes, personal psychological and physical, with as little fear as I could manage, and what I couldn’t eradicate I ignored, an offering for Eris.  I had mottos like "Either Extreme is Fine" and "Stagnation is Satan".  (Hey, I didn’t say I was eloquent about it.  This was my teens and early twenties — hardly eloquent times of life!)

Er, that was before my whole life fell apart, quite without my permission, almost exactly four years ago.  That was pretty seriously not fun, and I’m not exaggerating when I say I might not have survived it without the huge amounts of help and support I had.  I’ve worked quite hard to rebuild things now, and the thought of another major upheaval(s) is causing me some pretty spiky issues.  Every time I think about getting a new job (which I could have to at any time, thank you Michigan economy), picking a degree program (I’m so intimidated by that choice that I’m pretty much planning on throwing my coins to the wind and taking whatever lands in my pocket), or in general confronting the future at all, I get sick to my stomach.

So I’m attempting to take some good advice from Eastern philosophy.  To paraphrase one of the Buddhas:  "What, at this moment, is lacking?"  The future is almost always impossible to "handle", because it’s in your head, and your head (especially my head) builds a hell of a monster out of it.  But you don’t have to handle the future.  The only thing you ever have to deal with, get through or be okay with is right now. 

It is one of the great mysteries of humanity, in my view, why it’s so incredibly hard for us to separate out this moment and pay attention to it.  A moment is such a small, simple thing.  No education necessary to grasp it; no tricks needed to see it.  But focusing on it is simply beyond most people…especially ones who’re obsessing about being terrified of the future.