*Transcendental *Logic

Well, that was fun.

Quicken is apparently one of those companies that figures they’re the only game in town, and can thus be as evil as they like about actually making the product you purchase from them functional.

See, I got a new computer at work.  And I do our books.  So of course I took my legitimately-bought-for-a-very-steep-price CD of Quickbooks Pro and installed it on my new computer.  How unethical of me, eh?  Because the fact that I’ve given them money already doesn’t buy me the right to not be harrassed, pressured into giving them all my personal information, and treated like a thief.  Oh wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.

So, the software informs me that now that I’ve committed the egregious act of upgrading my computer, which is totally Quicken’s business, I must call them and spend half an hour on the phone convincing them that I didn’t steal the software I bought before it’ll work again.

And how does one convince them?  Conveniently, by verifying all the information that companies like Quicken like to sell to each other for huge sums of money.  I don’t get any of this money, but I do get a lot of advertising directed at me for my efforts.  Yaaay, what a deal.

Thing is, I habitually lie on things like registration forms that ask for my personal information.  (I also habitually get less spam and junk mail than most people.)  So when the lady answering the phone starts grilling me for information, I tell her quite flatly that I don’t know, because I would have lied in order to avoid the spam and junk mail.  She gives me the usual line about how they would never sell my information, and I laugh at her, because I work with lawyers and I know exactly how they word a "privacy policy" so their agents can say that but they can still sell all the information they please.  Sorry, lady.

So, we go back and forth, me trying likely combinations while the lady acts like I’m some sort of untouchable because I would dare lie to a corporation that obviously has the right to know anything they want to about me, and ought to be consulted so that they can give me permission to upgrade my computer.  I tried not to be too mean — she is just a phone-flunky — but if it was unpleasant for her, oh well, don’t work for evil corporations if you don’t like getting yelled at.

Eventually I find an old email with the fake information I originally gave them, and she gives me the validation number, and an uneasy truce is reached.  But she still doesn’t want to give up:  "Would you like me to update this information, in case you have to ‘validate’ your software again?"

Me:  "No, why on earth would I do that?  I’ve written down the fake information I gave you so I know it next time."

Her:  "Well, yes, but it’s much better if we have your real information."

Me:  "Give me one reason why that benefits me."  Long silence.   I spit a few sentences of minor tirade about shady businesses trying to squeeze every nickel they can out of legitimate customers by treating them like poop.  (I don’t say that I was one inch from hanging up and getting a validation number–or heck, the whole new spiffiest version–from an "illegal" source, which would have taken me half the time and cost me nothing in personal info, and that it’s incredibly stupid of Quicken to make it so much easier and more pleasant for me to pirate their software than buy it.  If they can’t figure that out on their own, well, they deserve what they get.)  She retorts with the not-so-devastating "Well, I hope you understand why we do things this way."

I finish with, "Yes, I know exactly why your company does things that way.  It’s called greed, and it’s a revolting way to run a business.  Have a nice day."  Click.

The good news is, there are alternatives, and I’ll most certainly be buying one the next time we need to upgrade.  Mind Your Own Business looks good and has a neato name; and of course there’s PeachTree, which is a little much for us, but it’d be worth it not to need a permission slip from them every time I want to do anything to my own equipment.

We don’t kill nearly enough corporations in this country.  I mean, they’re legally persons, right?  It’s okay to have the death penalty in umpteen states for real live people, but we never kill corporations? 

I don’t get it.

This entry was posted 9 months, 4 weeks ago on Friday, February 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am and is filed under consumer warfare, fair use / IP, good questions, irrationality, the root of all wealth. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.