A Monkey and its Mirror
Is it easier with people you don’t know? Never meet? Why is it so easy with people who don’t exist; with fictional characters? Why is it so hard sometimes with people you know and love?
Seeing the best in people seems to involve being very rock-solid with the best in yourself. It seems to require being able to stand still and firm and look straight at them, which in itself can be scary. I don’t know why it can be scary, but boy howdy can it ever.
Sometimes, like yesterday, I find myself suddenly able to see the best in a whole bunch of people, even people I would normally find it very easy to dislike. Politicians. Stuffy older people. People who suck with money, who have $100 salon hairdos and are losing their homes because they ignored the late notices. Sometimes you just look right through them and see a glowing heart in an inconsequential cage of flesh and psychology — but when that happens, you feel it in your own heart, a resonance like ancient magic items brought near each other, or an alien ship brought near its power source. Really seeing them seems to do something to your own reality too.
Then, other times, like today, I can’t even look people full in the face, even if the faces are familiar. I like studying pictures of them — those are an abyss that doesn’t look back, I suppose — but looking straight at a real person hurts. Am I not firm enough on my own feet to handle it? Is there a trick to it?
All the wise people seem to agree that other people are very important, and much closer to being us than we realize. But I have a hard time even seeing them as real, some days. I don’t think it’s just me that has that difficulty, though I certainly know people who don’t have it. I’d like to be able to see other people clearly, for what they are, and to understand them and empathize with them more than I do — but for the life of me I can’t figure out how to go about it, even though I do have those moments of seeing to use for reference.
People are too confusing, drat it. They should just figure out if they’re real or not, me or not, gods or dreck, and be done with it!
2 comments
I wonder if this might have something to do with your serotonin levels at the time. Seeing as that chemical plays into your empathy for others, maybe it’s easier to view others in a positive light when those levels are higher… just a random thought. :^)
But an interesting random thought! I love those. ;)
On the other hand, compassion requires conscious effort too, so I wouldn’t be too quick to chalk it up to chemicals alone.