You know, I really can’t believe there isn’t a post dedicated to polyphasic sleeping and sex yet — but of course, there is now. W00t!
Here are some of the issues that have been raised with me at one time or another regarding this marvelously fun topic. Like all good nookie-related activities, this post is a participatory exercise, people, so if you’ve got advice or even scary stories, this is the place to share them! Let’s talk about:
- how to time naps to include nookie
- nookie for people on Uberman and other very strict schedules
- post-coital energy effects
- any effects on frequency or quality being polyphasic has caused
- marathons, kinks, or any “special circumstances” polyphasic sleep may impact
And of course, what kind of figurehead would I be if I didn’t chime in with my own blather? Oh, but you’ll have to go under the cut for it — I don’t take my clothes off for just anybody. ;)
And the first person to say “pics or it didn’t happen” gets a subscription to the 700 club. ::stern glare o’er top of glasses::
Ahem. But. I *am* probably a good, middle-ground, average person to get the basic answers from — I’m married, have a busy life and a polyphasic sleep-schedule, and I insist on regular awesome nookie as one of my gods-given rights on this Earth. And the major common challenges to regular awesome nookie — a hot guy on hand, and a room of my own — are taken care of, so the sleep issues are more central for me.
Polyphasic sleeping hasn’t put any serious or long-term cramps in my Pantsless Life-Goals, overall. I did experience a period of Oh Hell No during early adaptation, and occasionally if I miss naps for several days or otherwise wreck myself, yeah, I’ll be too tired, as I imagine anyone missing significant portions of their sleep would be. Other than the adaptation tiredness (which we all know is short-term as long as you do it right), this is no different than what’s the case for monophasic sleepers.
Probably the biggest issue for me, and for most of the married-or-committed people I’ve talked to, is planning the nookie versus planning the naps. Do you shift your schedule so you’re around and available at the time(s) that nookie tends to happen for you and your partner, or do you take the reins and try to control when the nookie happens? In both cases, there’s a threshold past which the thing you’re modifying — sleep or nookie — will get too screwed up to happen. Your spouse, for example, may not be down with waking up at four a.m. to get some. And you may very well not be able to snuggle up in bed with hir at midnight without corking out.
I handled the problem of “nookie vs. naps” by modifying both a little, rather than either a lot. How flexible each is depends on your situation, but typically in a restrictive polyphasic schedule the naps aren’t very flexible; whereas in a restrictive relationship, well, often there isn’t much nookie anyway. (Sorry, bad joke. But hey, I didn’t make the obvious “flexible nookie” joke; that ought to count for something.)
So anyway, my solution has been twofold: 1) schedule regular “grown up time” and dates together to encourage convenient nookie; and 2) be receptive to the occasional getting woken up for inconvenient nookie. It’s taken a little effort, but been quite worth it, and things run pretty smoothly.
That’s me. But I’m easy. (Hey now, none o’ that joke.) What about people with more complex circumstances or freakier needs?
Some folks have asked about Marathon Nookie. Some folks like it long and involved, and exhausting I imagine, but really, that shouldn’t be a problem as long as it’s not typically more than four hours. (If it is, then a) HOLY COW DUDE and b) you’ll probably want an Everyman schedule, probably a pretty loose one. Pun NOT intended.) Other than that, I’d say treat it like any other heavy-duty exercise — don’t take a nap right afterwards or you’ll have trouble waking up, especially if it’s too near your core. Drink lots of water &etc.
Of course, nookie isn’t quite like exercise; for many people it produces either a surge in energy or a surge in holy-crap-I’m-gonna-pass-out-now. And that has to be taken into consideration, too: As always the relevant adage is KNOW THYSELF. If nookie wakes you wide up, then don’t do it too near naptime; if it makes you pass out, don’t do it at night when your next nap is hours away.
Lastly and most importantly, and not to sound like a relationship counselor, make sure that you give weight to BOTH your needs and your partner’s (or partners’). BOTH. (I actually know more people who tend to neglect themselves than who tend to be selfish, so make sure you aren’t just “thinking of the other guy” and figuring that means you’ve got it covered.) When it comes to things like nookie, which can be really difficult to talk or even think about in detail (at least when the details involve our own zits and fat and funny faces), it bears really sitting down and giving it some thought, even writing down what you need and want and expect, so that you don’t fall into the trap of thinking it’ll “figure itself out”.
Happy Napping And Other Indoor Sports!