Should have brought my ‘A’ game. Okiedokie. Understanding is a quest because, I think, you can not ever catch it- as the poet William Blake wrote- “If the doors of perception were cleansed, man would see everything as it is, infinite”. As soon as you reach one destination of understanding there is another (and another and another). Otherwise why wouldn’t Einstein have stopped at relativity? Why would you stop at… what are you? Oh yes Wise and Sagely (:P) So understanding and love are not rabbits. They are the wind and air. I think.

A happy life is spent chasing the former- and inhaling the latter. Or, put another way, understanding is the path and love is the people you share it with. Or not :) I’ve never really put all this into words before.

As for the advice… Thank you!!! I agree. Before you can say “I love you” you must first be able to say the “I”-Ayn Rand
It’s easy to sound smart when you parrot smart people- Randy Pausch… arrrggh quote train.

As for between the two of us… I think we both hold back a lot. There is a huge culture gap. There are lots of obstacles between the two of us actually and we are both mutally working towards removing them I think. We are getting to know each others querks anyways.

And I agree. As the witness to waaaay too many divorces in my own family I am insanely cautious about the M-word.

Luck to you as well and Thank *you* for replying!!! Yaay!!!

I like your idea about the dual quests of life, but I would have to ask…wouldn’t that necessitate GAINING the understanding before you could have a good relationship based on sharing it? Or are you proposing that it can be a dual, mutual process? (I’m not sure I could agree with that: one of my very favorite proverbs is “a man cannot chase two rabbits”.)

As to you, I have advice from my experiences with marriage, at least: Never ever marry into a relationship that requires you to “hold back” from being fully yourself, even a tiny bit. Eventually that restriction will become unbearable, and your partner is less likely, not more, as time goes on to be unable to allow you more room in that area. I once was married to a fine boy who nonetheless needed me to be a little less weird than I am, and I thought I could do it, but it almost killed both of us. My husband now is unabashedly in favor of anything I do that’s “me-like”, and this relationship has been at least as powerfully advancing as the other was deadening. …So basically my advice is, don’t marry that girl unless she can not only “be okay with”, but fully love and approve of, your religious beliefs, and you hers. (Of course that may take a while to figure out, and here’s hoping you get to enjoy some romance in the meantime. ;)

Always remember: Not getting married is WAY better than being in a bad marriage. Evidence of this is everywhere!

Luck and thanks for reading for so long!!
pd

In my opinion, happiness is all that matters and the only two “real” pathways to that are understanding (which is what I think spirituality is a quest for) and sharing our understanding, and having it welcomed, which is what I think romantic love is a quest for. So life for humans is a quest to form a meta-entity of mutually understood truth and bask in the glory of that. Maybe. Am I sounding retarded?

Anyways… Yeah. It’s just funny that you had this article recently when I’m trying to romance this girl I met. But this is no ordinary romance… I’m a stubborn agnostic. And the girl I’m after is a stubborn Muslim. And Muslims can’t marry non-Muslims (or at least she says so ;) anyways nice timing… if it’s not too much to ask… have ye any advice oh wise and sagely one?