Hanging In There During a TFP

Probably you’re familiar with the sensation of "Things Falling Apart".  

No, it doesn’t just happen to teenagers, though adults are much better at putting it off.  Of course, that often means that when an adult hits a TFP phase, the pressure behind it has been building up a long time, and the subsequent explosion can be…impressive.

I discussed cycles last week, so I won’t belabor that point, but I will clarify that "Things Falling Apart" (TFP) is a special kind of down-cycle, one where, for whatever reason, a massive amount of demolition has to happen before the next thing in your life can take place. 

Sometimes we cause our own TFP periods, by hanging onto a situation long after it should have resolved or passed on, or by doggedly building edifices that never should have stood.  Sometimes it has very little to do with us (maybe you just live in the middle of the jobocalypse, for example!).  But however it happens, something necessitates that the Universe bring in its demolition team…and oh, the cosmic demolitioners, they are something to behold!

TFP periods are very challenging, obviously.  They’re often fraught with loss of the familiar, which can cause anxiety, grief and depression, which is then combined with the simultaneous and daunting need to get the hang of things new and UNfamiliar. 

(Fun Fact:  I have TFPs every three years, with hilarious regularity.  What about you?)

So, TFPs, with their simultaneous loss-of-the-familiar and attack-of-the-unfamiliar, can really challenge one’s ability to stay sane and function. 

Staying sane and functioning has never come easy to me, but there’s an upside to that:  I have a whole system built up to help me handle TFPs!  Most of it probably wouldn’t help anybody else (brain-hacks tend to be pretty individually-tailored), but I do have a few useful tips for weathering Things Falling Apart:

First, RELAX.  Whatever amount of relaxation you have in your life now, try to double it during a TFP phase.  Focus on many small de-stressors rather than a few big ones, to minimize the chance that you "won’t get around to it" or, paradox of paradoxes, that you get too stressed out to manage relaxing on top of everything else (it happens!).  Do as many de-stressing things a day as you can manage:  Sing, walk, breathe, read, pray, talk, etc.  Keep ‘em coming.  Stress does nothing for your ability to make good decisions, so the less of it you carry around, the better.

Second, PUT SOME THINGS OFF.  If it doesn’t need to be dealt with now, put it off for later.  Likely you have enough big-big things that DO need your attention; now is not the time to buy a new wardrobe, renovate your bathroom or cook dinner for thirty.  (Unless you do those things to relax, I guess.  Weirdo.  ;)  Plus, the feeling of being overwhelmed that accompanies TFPs is helped a bit by knowing that you got something off your plate, even if it was something small.

Third, FIND SOMETHING TO HOLD ONTO.  The feeling of having the rug yanked out from under you is one of the worst parts of a TFP — in fact, sometimes people go through massive shakeups and are relatively fine, because for some reason they don’t perceive the event as a TFP (until it’s over with, usually), so they avoid that "Oh crap oh crap oh crap" feeling most of us get.  Usually you can’t count on ignorance and/or luck to make that happen, though, so I recommend picking something that you can hang on to, for stability and comfort.  (It’s like the bar you hang onto on a rollercoaster!)  …And in truth, we all tend to do this instinctively, but it’s easy to choose bad things as your "holding on" objects — like your kids.  Make sure you follow these guidelines to minimize damage:

• DON’T pick something that may be in the path of this TFP’s tornado o’ destruction:  For example, if you’re having massive financial difficulties, don’t choose your house as something to give you comfort.
• DON’T pick people, unless a) they are able to consent to your using them this way, b) they aren’t experiencing a TFP too, and c) you really really have to — people are inherently changeable, and you want something stable.
• DON’T put all your eggs in one basket:  Take comfort in the things you choose to hold onto, but don’t let yourself make any of them too important.  During a vulnerable period like a TFP, you need all your strength, so don’t give it over by telling yourself, "If it wasn’t for my kitty here, I’d be a goner!"  …Because you know what the Universe might do if you say that, right?  *splatkitty!*
  

On that note, and in closing, I don’t want to give the impression that Things Falling Apart times are a sign that the world is bad, or cruel, or meaningless or chaotic.  In fact, I think they go a long way to prove the contrary, just like throwing up proves that the body is functioning in a rational way. 

There are cycles, and necessary changes, and everything is alive and nothing is static and things have to change for a reason, even if its unpleasant sometimes.

I’ll make you a deal:  You remember that for the next few months, and so will I.  ;)

(awesome image by shoes_on_wires)