Better Thinking Gift Ideas

Here’s a fun idea to take some of the dread out of December:  Better Gifting. 

In this monster of a post are some discussions of what makes a "better gift", how to package intangible gifts to make them more impressive, and lots of ideas for meaningful gifts to give, for both big & small occasions.  My gift to you. 

What makes the best gifts?

 None of what I’m about to say is meant to diss the tradition of buying an item for your loved ones as a present.  But sometimes an item just isn’t the right thing.  Items can be expensive, impersonal and often just create clutter for your giftee.  Plus they can just be a pain in the butt, and for many people they take a lot of the fun right out of the holidays.  (As a former Catholic, I believe that only religions are allowed to take the fun out of holidays.)

A solution to those problems, if you’re having them, is to focus more closely on the people involved in gifting — you and the person you’re giving a gift to — rather than the item and the store.  This is a little countercultural, but trust me, it works great, and the theory ("think of the people, not the item") is convincing enough prima facie that most people won’t want to be seen arguing against it.   Which, I think we all agree, is a paramount consideration when it comes to family gatherings.

Better Gifts are:

• meaningful and personal
• send the message that your relationship to this person is valuable to you, and that you’d like it to persist and/or deepen (hint: if this is not true, then congratulations!  you don’t have to buy a gift at all!)
• not necessarily huge or complicated, or involve travel or events — they can be big or small, the main present or the stocking-stuffer, complex and special or quick and easy, depending on your needs.
• and as a huge added bonus, they’re often cheaper, or even free!

…Of course, if you’re like me, you often have to buy "small gifts", too, for people that maybe you don’t have a deep personal relationship with, but ought to (and/or want to) show your appreciation to with a gift.  Better Gifting can work there, too!  I’ll give more tips for "Better small gifts" at the end.

Better Gifts don’t all take a ton of planning or time; just some "Knowing Thyself" and thinking about the person you want to give a gift to.  In fact, it’s often surprisingly easy to think of something someone would like as a Better Gift, and that you’d like to give them.  Just think of the person’s hobbies, loves, life-situation, and how they relate to you (and how you’d like to relate to them), and something will almost certainly "present" itself.  ::ducks pun-tomatoes::

But sometimes, even if they have a great idea, people still don’t like to give intangible gifts because they don’t "feel right" — because in our culture, we’re conditioned towards boxes and paper, basically.  One way to make giving Better Gifts easier is to focus a little on the presentation.  Here’s how to make intangible gifts acceptable and painless to give:

• Write it down:  If your gift comes with tickets, a brochure for a place or event, or can be formalized in some object (i.e. a golf ball for a golf-outing), then that’s easy; you can give it like a regular gift.  If it’s totally intangible, though, just write a nice description of it and give that as the gift.  This doesn’t have to look or feel cheap — in fact, it can be a whole other part of the gift, if you make it special.  If you’re a writer, use poetry or a short story to make your point; if you’re a musician, sing it; if you’re an artist or photographer, add some visual flourish. The more important the person and the occasion is to you, the better it will feel (for you and them) to put some thought into the presentation.  And even if it’s nothing big, a hand-folded paper box or package covered in photocopied family pictures can make any gift seem extra-special.
• Wrap it up:  People like boxes with stuff in them (and boxes are reusable!).  If your gift is "big" (in the sense of quality), and your giftee likes surprises, consider wrapping it up really special, for instance, as though it’s a huge or complicated physical gift.  Some of my best have been things like "huge box with a tiny box at the bottom that has a note describing the gift"-type things.  The idea behind gift boxes is that your giftee can linger over the gift a while, wondering what it is, etc.  You can still use this (and other tricks, like hiding gifts or giving "hints") for intangible gifts!  Further, if you’ve spent no actual money on your present, you can drop a few dollars to get a really nice, professional wrapping job and still come out ahead!
• Don’t apologize:  You’re not a kid who didn’t have time to shop; you put thought and effort into this gift, so act like it.  Sometimes people who receive intangible gifts are confused by the mixed messages sent by the gifter, who may say things like, "Well, money’s been tight this year…" –Money’s always tight; that’s not why you did this.  You took the time to come up with this personalized gift because a fruit basket or body lotion wasn’t good enough to show this person that you care about them.  You don’t have to say those things, but make sure you know them, so you can act the way that shows the giftee how you feel! 

And here’s my huge, evolving-as-I-think-of-things list of ideas for Better Gifts!  (By all means, if you have more ideas, add to my list in the comments!)  I’ve given almost all of these — having been both broke and creative for most of my life — except the ones that require cooking or some other skill I can’t do.  But they’ve all been very well-received, even by the parts of my family that are pretty materialistic. 

• Has the person complained about something that’s broken or ugly in their home or car?  Offer to repair, re-paint, or replace it if you can.  A freshly-painted fence, un-squeaked door, or re-potted plant can make a very appreciated gift.  If the thing to be fixed is in a space you’re comfortable and welcome in, you can even "sneak gift" it — just leave a small, indicative-of-the-occasion gift-tag taped somewhere near the thing you’ve done, and voila.
• For anyone who’s a parent with younger children, an offer to babysit for free for an evening (or even, if you’re awesome and normally one of their sitters, a weekend) is nearly always a welcome gift.  Make sure you’re clear about when you can do it, so that they don’t call hoping to cash in their gift on a bad night!
  • For a really special gift for parents with young kids, pair the offer to babysit with a gift certificate for movie tickets or dinner, or with something nice for them to wear out.
  • Turn a babysitting offer into a gift for the kids too, by specifying something fun you’ll do with them when you babysit, like going swimming, taking pictures of flowers or wildlife (something kids always enjoy, in my experience) or making art together.  Wrap it up separately from Mom & Dad’s gift, so they have a package to open!
• If you do something for a living that your giftee might find useful, give it to them!  Often people don’t like asking for free work, but it’s a huge bonus for most people to get their carpets cleaned / website updated / furniture moved / hair cut / car repaired, etc., without having to pay for it.  Make sure you specify when you can do the work.
• Give a flyer or brochure for a show or event coming to town, and a note saying you’d like to pay the way for your giftee and you to go together.  (Make sure it’s something they’ll like too, though in reality the chance to spend time with you is probably a good gift for just about anyone who likes you…NOTE, however, that you may know people who are introverts, and if that’s the case, remember that big crowds and long outings may not be their thing.  They may rather just have dinner at your place, or spend a quiet evening camping, etc.  Or they might really rely on you to drag them out to cool places.  People are crazy complicated, aren’t they?)
• Pictures of yourself or your family (especially kids) make great gifts for some people, but here’s a twist I like:  If you know someone who likes to take pictures, give them a Photo Outing: arrange a trip to somewhere scenic (park, historic location, etc.), and promise to dress to the nines and pose for pictures.  If you have children and a parent or other family-member who likes to have pictures, offering to dress your kids up and come along for nice pictures is an especially nice gift!
• If you cook — even if you can just cook one thing that your giftee likes — make it for them as a present, or give them a "dinner date" with you where they can come over and you’ll cook for them and visit.
  • Also, "tea party" invites are great for some people, and let you give a simple mug, or just a tea-bag, as the material part of the gift.
    • While that works great for some adults too, it bears special mention that there is no little girl on the planet who won’t squee over a tea-party invite for them and a few of their friends (or dolls), complete with grown-up tea and cookies.  I promise.
• If there’s a charity someone is fond of, donate in their name, or buy them a membership if they don’t have one (most charities have memberships starting at reasonable prices, and you can get a membership card to give to them as a present).  Alternately, buy yourself a membership and give them a photocopy of your membership card as a gift — it’s a nice way to show that you care about helping them support their cause.
• If you’re good with plants, grow some nice ones in any old pots at all, and give them as gifts.  Even better, grow herbal or medicinal plants that you know your giftee would like to have, such as lavender, rosemary, aloe, etc. 
• If you live a distance away from your giftee and you don’t see each other enough, consider giving a "free room and board"-type gift, which is basically a formal invitation for them to come and stay with you for free.  Even if you think it "goes without saying" that they could do so, an explicit invite is always a nice gesture.  Pair it with an idea for something fun you can do together while they’re in town, and this gift is always a winner.
• If you know your giftee has a regular chore to do that they maybe don’t like so much — mucking out the chicken-coop, or taking Grandma to church every Sunday, or what have you — give them an offer to do it for them!  You can offer to do it once so they can have a "day off", or to take over for a while to give them a real break.  Either way, they’ll probably really appreciate it!
• Offer to help get things ready for winter — if you know how to winterize a car, hang storm windows, or compost a garden for next year, that’s work people are almost always thrilled to have someone else do! 

And before you go thinking that giving free work is a chintzy idea, let me assure you that it’s not:  free work = free time that someone wouldn’t have normally had, to do whatever they want with, and that’s a gift almost EVERYONE really likes!

On to some ideas for smaller, quicker gifts.

Better Small Gifts make great stocking-stuffers, just-because presents or additions to a big gift — but like the bigger Better Gifts, they’re still meaningful, and usually quite inexpensive.  Here are some ideas:

• If you like to craft at all, make something small in quantity, to fill up stockings and to act as "back-up gifts" for unexpected people.  (This year I’m making chainmail keychains!)
• If you write or draw, take pictures or scrapbook, or anything similar, make a sincere card with original art inside.  These work much nicer than bought cards, and for small occasions, long-distance holidays, apologies or "just because", they make an awesome gift.  Don’t forget to add your thoughts on why the person is special to you — trust me, people love to hear that stuff.  ;)
• Cook something fun or healthy (depending on your giftee) and give it, or a sample of it, with the recipe attached — talk about a gift that keeps on giving.  That turns a dozen cupcakes and some index cards into 12 potential gifts!
• Procure some art supplies for someone you know who likes to do arts or crafts:  These can be very inexpensive (paper!  wire!  discarded fabric scraps!  broken plates for mosaics!), and are almost always appreciated and used.
• Give the gift of storage:  Any good, sturdy box or container you have, painted or covered in cloth or paper to make it look nice, will be appreciated by giftees who have stuff laying around.
• Spruce up a simple, useful item, like washcloths, boxes of Kleenex, socks, or shoelaces, with your own personal touches –  besides being touching and useful, they won’t take up unnecessary space (since everyone has space for things like socks set aside already). 
• Awesome-ify something.  Even if it’s a common, used, or otherwise un-special and un-gift-worthy item, your skills can make it amazing and appreciated.  If you like to gothify, steampunkify, cute-ify, or personalize things, get some together (or set some aside over the year) as gifts.  As my diplomatic yet plucky Grandma used to say, "at least it’s a conversation piece"!)

For more ideas on creative, special, homespun, frugal, and other badass forms of giftery, I highly suggest the finance blog The Simple Dollar.  They frequently have really solid advice for avoiding overspending and frugal but meaningful holiday stuff.

Of course, if YOU have a great idea for this kind of thing, don’t be stingy!  Give it to me in the comments and I’ll consider myself set for Xmas.  ;)