In 3D, it’s not about what you have
Something that occurred to me the other day, very powerfully, that I don't want to forget:
It's not about what you have.
Too much chatter, in our minds and in the world both, seems concerned with what "you" (remember, 2D / Psychology-based thinking sees you as an object) "have" …what you've accumulated — or will accumulate — in this world.
So much of the breakdowns, both the full crashes and the little chippings-away, that people undergo seem to involve thoughts like, "What do I have left?", or "[This or this person] is all I have", or worry about what will be "had" at some point in the future. I've struggled with the last one a lot myself: when relationships end especially, it's easy for me to hyperfocus on what "my future" will be like…as if I've got the slightest clue what ten or twenty years out will be like, when if you'd told me a year ago where I'd be today I would have laughed myself into a coma of disbelief. But that worry and that focus on "having" situations, people and things makes it impossible for me to forgive myself and others for past mistakes. It also makes me predisposed to "use people" — to treat them as objects, as "things I need" in my life, rather than as independent people who have needs, who change, and who might very well love me but not be best served by being super-close to me all the time. …And while it seems most fair to talk first about how that kind of thinking could make me "use people", it would be silly to overlook the fact that it's absolutely made people "use me" too. I used to think that being told "I need you" or "you're the best thing I have" were compliments…now I know they're big fat red flags.
Something Marcus Aurelius wrote always stuck with me (paraphrasing): An old man and a young boy who die today both lose the same thing. They both lose right now.
Because that, precisely that, is what you "have".
Nothing more. Nothing less.
From the 2D viewpoint, this is scary because the present moment, when you're thinking about it and not experiencing it, seems so small. Again, remember the graphs: the 3D part may stretch out infinitely, but where it intersects with the 2D part, it only looks like a dot. It's not until you switch focus to 3D that you see how big it is, or the nature of it at all. To the 2D mind, the long line of the past and of the future is "bigger" and more important than the moving dot of the present moment — hence why they occupy so much of our thoughts — but without actually switching to 3D, the truth of its size and importance remains hidden. Nasty little logic trap by reality, there.
When you're focused on Window / 3D thinking, there is no "what you have". "You" aren't a collection of accumulated prizes (or lost prizes) — you're an experience; an event; a brilliant and unique point of view. You think of yourself, if at all, as a verb — the way you think of skiing when you're going full-speed downhill. (And like that example, you're usually too busy being you to think about it.)
I believe it was Ram Dass who said that if you want to be happy, you should get into, experience, and get as much out of, individual moments as much as you can.
But to get back to the central theme — watch out for thinking about what you "have" (or what you "are", which is just a different type of ownership). Any amount of appreciating the good about things and people in your life is much better done in the moments you have with them, and without the clinging and negativity that results from trying to define yourself with, and judge yourself by, them.