Flip the coin: Worst to Best

What's the most common "outraged, slung-in-the-heat-of-an-argument" thing you get called?


Answering this started out as a self-flagellation session, for me, but then turned into a stupidly valuable lesson. If you need a lesson, maybe give it a try. :)


For me, the answer is "INHUMAN!". I always figured that was a reference to my calculating argumentative tactics — when I care more about being right, "cold" doesn't even begin to describe how I come off, I'm sure. But today I realized something different about that insult and its causes. My calculating nature and professional skillz have made me reflexively excellent, in some contexts at least, at realizing when the emotional labor I'm being asked to do (almost always in subtext) isn't worth the outcome. And when I'm in Philosophy or Argument Mode, I have no difficulty flat refusing to do that work, in probably horrendously-frustratingly-inarguable ways.


I think I've been called "inhuman" at least five times in heated yelling (no, not recently! whew), and similar things who knows how many times. But it took until today for me to see that the mechanism that causes that reaction is uhhhh, morally justified and, in so far as it's treated as unacceptable, sexist. (It absolutely is a masculine reflex, the assumption that "we are arguing and I am your equal and you will do your own damn work". It plays extra badly with people who are mentally using my feminine aspects to plot their argument, exacerbated by the fact that, if we're being intellectually competitive, I don't tend to give a shit if you faceplant in front of everyone because you gave me a way to trip you.)


So….I'm really good, sometimes, at saying "um no, my job here is not to do that work for you, do it yourself or gtfo of this argument", and also knowing when it's defensible and provable to do so. I also absolutely will just cold walk away, drop the whole thing, and not care one whit, too: Intellectualization, logicking, is one of very few areas where I'm mostly sure of myself AND also ego-free enough to back down gracefully and painlessly (often to the consternation of opponents) if I'm wrong.


I'm comfortable there, so I'm confident there, and unlike in so much of life, I have a very clear idea of what slack I will and will not take up for the other side. And people react violently to that, but…maybe not the parts of them I want to interact with or be respected by anyway.


So yeah. Today the worst insult I've been tossed turned out to be pointing to a really *good* thing about myself, that I hadn't previously recognized or trusted. I'll be darned. :)

About puredoxyk

Word addict, kungfu/taiji nut, and life-partner to polyphasic sleep. Rabid fan of as many hobbies as the world will let me pry into its piddly fourth dimension (it helps to have knocked out the wall).
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One Response to Flip the coin: Worst to Best

  1. mush says:

    Selfish bitch is another one for that. "No, I'm not having it, do that emotional labour your own goddamned self" has caused a male or two to call me a selfish bitch. Or a heartless or fridgid one. As is being able to just be done and walk away; holding no grudge, just really not being attached either way.

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