So, I’m on my very first ever actual calorie-restriction diet. This is Day Two.
I’ve had more fun.
However, I probably also never have actually eaten this healthily, if health can be measured in quantities of raw vegetables.
Anybody could know why I did it, I imagine…three years of regular, increasingly athletic exercise, and I’m in the best shape of my life… and I still haven’t shed a pound of the thirty that I put on since momhood. I try to make healthy choices whenever I can, but it’s no joke that I have a mean oral fixation (ever seen my fingernails?) and a pretty reliable sweet tooth. I was raised on the Middle American Sugar Diet, and it shows. Even when I was “just tracking” my calories with the dots-per-day thing, I was aiming for 1400 and probably missing it by 200-300 most days.
So, eventually the obvious quits f*cking around and actually becomes obvious (dammit, brain!): The weight isn’t going anywhere, except possibly underneath a fresh layer of more, until the food issue gets solved.
I really, really prefer to do things all-out and cold turkey, when I can. It’s SO much easier to just get it over with without a big drawn-out battle, isn’t it?
I’m waxing my legs today, as a commemorative. I figure it’ll help if I engage in a long, painful ritual involving repeated visceral reminders that shit hurts a lot more if you do it slow, if you stall it or drag it out; the only way to go is one-two-three and exhale on three (if you can, add a kiai!) and rip that sucker off.
So it will go with food, if I’m lucky. I did it with smoking, and my first Uberman adaptation, so it’s not impossible that I might. It also runs in the family: my grandfather (may he have a breath of respite now and again in his Hell) quit drinking and smoking cold-turkey at once, with no drugs or doctors to help, and kept a new bottle of whiskey in his cupboard and a new pack of cigarettes in his pocket for I don’t know how many years. My dad, oddly enough, though he inherited my grandfather’s intellect (and blessedly not much else), doesn’t seem to have this ability.
My grandfather was a bad person. (One of them; the other is a hero of mine.) I won’t tell you what he did but trust me, you’d agree that he was just bad, bad in the incurable way that people still think capital punishment exists for. I wonder sometimes if he was always screwy somehow, or if he was normal, maybe before the War. He was Big in the War. Boxful of medals; Normandy I think; and it definitely messed with his head. All those old men at his funeral who flew in from places. I wanted to talk to them, but I didn’t because I couldn’t ask them what I really wanted to know: Was he a good guy then, really, or was he always creepy, always “off”? Did the War do it to him? Then again, I wonder if any of them even knew, or believed, the stories of what he did.
Brrrwaugh! Wow, apparently that needed to come out. Whew. Anyway, back to something resembling the point.
*raises flags and marches Pointwards*
I can’t live in a world with no chaos, so I’m on a daily allotment of 1,000 – 1,250 calories, by my best estimation and package data. I try to get this allotment in five 200-calorie chunks, so that I can eat often, which I sense will make things easier. I’m allowed to reduce one meal to compensate for extra calories in another, but I’m not allowed to skip meals entirely, so I can’t “go over” by too much. Moreover, in addition to this amount I’m allowed to have raw veggies whenever I want. Also, only one of my 200-calorie “meals” is allowed to consist of junk food. (I tend to save that one for last, having a long-bred habit of craving “dessert”.)
I have been hungry, though oddly it’s been from pushing back or even skipping some of my meals. Where I would have just “grabbed something” before if I was busy, I don’t want to now; I want to enjoy it. But when I am hungry and starting to really feel it, I grab some of my fridgeful of new veggies: green peppers, celery, cabbage; all good raw-eatin’ stuff. I also have brussels sprouts and an artichoke to cook for a meal sometime (I cook ‘em with looooots of butter. ;)
One thing: The components of this diet are, so far, very cheap. Did you know a head of lettuce is less than a dollar? And I’ll be eating that thing all week! Tearing off a cabbage-leaf is a great “geez I just need to eat something” antidote. It doesn’t really need sauce or salt, and it’s fast, and if you just have a few bites and put the rest in the compost, you don’t feel bad. I hereby approve of cabbage leaves.
I’ve also eaten vegetarian for the last two days. I didn’t really mean to, but well, with 200ish calories, you get a lot more food if it’s not meat. And I don’t really crave meat in my diet anyway, so it’s been pretty easy to ignore it. I’m not committing to that part, at least not yet, but it is interesting. If it keeps up I’ll need iron supplements, eek.
I devised this diet the way I did for three reasons:
1. I want to lose weight, and the only surefire way of doing that is to restrict your caloric intake. I’ve seen it work in several cases to help people I know lose over 100 lbs. So I aimed for 1K, figuring I’d screw up some and end up at 1200, which would be fine. I knew that if I had to fuss over every single number, I’d quit. I hate mental math!
2. I like to eat often and I don’t like to eat too much; my appetite has always been small (or maybe I just grow bored of eating) and I eat a more varied diet when I spread it out. So I took my caloric requirement and divided it up a way that seemed to make sense for me.
3. I know that in order to keep weight off, there has to be a lifestyle change, not just a temporary change in diet pattern. Like the lifestyle changes involved in quitting smoking and sleeping at night, I guess. So I wanted to create a “diet” that would be both healthy and livable over the long-term.
OMG I just realized this means I’m eating polyphasically. Holy crap, that’s funny.
Less funny is the fact that I have to actually change my polyphasic sleeping schedule soon. The more work ramps up, the more impossible it gets to get my naps, and things have been getting dangerously messy lately. I think things will get busier before they get stable, but I’m still trying to get a handle on what the bigger changes might look like so that I can plan a new schedule. Man, I’d better be able to at least do something like a siesta schedule, or I’ll be pissed.
I’m also getting fuller, sooner, today than I’m used to. Maybe my stomach is already accustomed to these small meals? For dinner I’m having home-baked tortilla chips (ikr?!) and awesome fresh salsa, and I gave myself a few more chips than a serving as a treat or something, but now I don’t want them; I’m full. And the last thing I had was celery, like, almost three hours ago.
Next stop: Sustaining life with only sunlight and water and bloody-mindedness!
(This image is actually slightly appropriate, but only if you’re a huge nerd. The rest of you will just have to settle for enjoying the random pic of a sparkly anime guy. *yay sparkly anime guys!*)